Alright, wine lovers, it’s time to get serious (but not too serious, this is wine we’re talking about).

We all know the trusty ‘Standard’ bottle – the size that says, “I’ll share, but I’m secretly hoping you’re driving.” And of course, I think many of us have heard of the Magnum… but, did you know there are bottles out there called a Salmanazar and a Balthazar? Yeah, me neither, until I fell down the rabbit hole of wine sizes. So buckle up, because class is in session, and we’re getting wine smart – with a side of snark.

The Split (a.k.a. Piccolo)
– 1 glass
This one’s for when you want to say, “I’ll just have one glass,” but what you really mean is, “I’ll have a whole tiny bottle to myself.” Think of those adorable little bottles on airplanes. Because nothing says “high altitude enjoyment” like sipping Chardonnay 30,000 feet over the Atlantic.

The Demie
– 2.5 glasses
A half bottle that screams, “I’m fancy but fiscally responsible.” Perfect for when you want to feel like a baller at a restaurant without having to pawn your shoes for a full bottle.

The Jennie
– 3 glasses
This is the bottle that is host to many dessert wines. Because after a long day, sometimes you just need a little sweetness in your life… and sometimes that sweetness comes in the form of liquid gold called Sauternes.

The Standard
– 5 glasses
Ah, the classic. The bottle that says, “I’m here for the dinner party, and I brought backup.” My wine fridge is practically bursting with these little soldiers, post my-wine-country pilgrimage. They’re the MVP of hostess gifts – until you realize you’ve left it in the fridge and now you have to drink it all yourself. Oh, no… what a tragedy.

The Magnum
– 10 glasses
Or as I like to call it, “The only socially acceptable way to pour 2 bottles of wine into one glass.” Ideal for when one bottle just isn’t going to cut it, and let’s face it, it rarely does.

Now, let’s dive into the biblical wine zone, where things get historical (and a little ridiculous). Why are these bottles named after kings and prophets? Nobody knows, but the Google-sphere is guessing the thought process was, “Well, wine is great, so let’s name these bottles after greatness.” Logic checks out.

The Jeroboam (Double Magnum) – 20 glasses
Named after the King of Israel, because when you’re hosting 10 people for dinner, you want to channel some serious royal vibes. Or maybe you just need 4 bottles of wine in one go because that family reunion escalated quickly.

The Methuselah (Imperial) – 40 glasses
Named after the oldest guy in the Bible, who lived to be 969 years old. I mean, if you lived that long, you’d need an 8-bottle-sized wine just to make it through your day.  

The Salmanazar – 60 glasses
Named after an Assyrian king, because apparently, even ancient rulers knew the importance of having 12 bottles of wine handy at all times. This bottle probably needed its own carriage and possibly a team of horses to get it to your table.

The Balthazar – 80 glasses
Named after one of the Three Wise Men. Clearly, this guy knew what he was doing because nothing says “wise decision” like an 80-glass bottle of wine. Just imagine the morning after a party with one of these bad boys. Actually, don’t.

And finally, the one you’ve all been waiting for…

The Nebuchadnezzar – 100 glasses
This mouthful of a name (good luck pronouncing that after a few glasses, or even before the first glass!) is named after the longest-ruling king of Babylon, and the bottle stands almost as tall as a small human. Why does it exist? Because when you’re living that Babylonian lifestyle, you need a bottle that says, “I rule over all the wine.” It’s 20 bottles in one. At this point, it’s basically a wine keg.

So there you have it. Whether you’re feeling fancy with a Demie or downright regal with a Nebuchadnezzar, just remember: it’s not the size of the bottle, it’s the size of your wine spirit. Cheers!

Sources: Wine Enthusiast, Wine Folly, Wineinfo, Google and honest to goodness making fun!